WASHINGTON (AIP) – In a stunning reversal of the lower court and just in time for Halloween, the United States Supreme Court ruled today that evil minions are covered by the same federal wage, hour and benefits regulations as all other classes of labors.
“My client is thrilled,” said Yousef Bernard, attorney for the plaintiff in the Igor v. Victor Frankenstein class action suit. “If my client’s employer had provided him with the customary and usual health benefits and afforded him FEMLA leave, his hunchback might have received the proper treatment and not metastasized.”
“I was on call 24/7,” said Igor, speaking from the Supreme Court steps. “Night after night it was 3 a.m. and the Doctor would yell ‘Igor, go get me another body to reanimate’. No paid vacation, no lunch break. I deserve just compensation.”
Fellow evil minion Nikko, King of the Winged Monkeys, released a statement expressing his happiness over the ruling.
“I did the Wicked Witch of the East’s bidding for a number of years with absolutely no pay,” said Nikko. “Once the rest of the squadron and I were in the ready room for weeks on end, 24 hours a day until radar finally located Dorothy and her companions. We sortied out and picked them up. It was precision work.
“When we got back I went to the Witch and said ‘hey Witch, how about a little something for the boys?’. She just looked at me and gave me that wicked laugh. It was very de-flying monkey-zing.”
The Court’s ruling deals narrowly with the status of evil minions and doesn’t affect non-evil minions, sometimes known as sidekicks.
“I’m deeply disappointed,” said Tonto, contacted by phone. “I slaved for the Lone Ranger for a dozen years and my only compensation was firewater and beef jerky. I guess if I had been evil I might have finally gotten something. My fight for equality will continue.”
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