Battle Heats Up In Apartment Wars

BELLAIRE, FL (AIP) – The battle between the last remaining renter at the Del Sol Apartment Complex and the apartment’s owners, who want to see that renter gone and turn the complex into condominiums, seems to be entering a more serious phase.

“A month ago I came home from work and I had no water for eight hours,” said Jacob Castor, the complex’s final remaining resident. “A few days later I came home and the cable, which is included in my rent, was out and still is.

“Yesterday I got home and all the oxygen had been removed from my place.”

(Independent testing by an air quality lab hired by this publication showed that, indeed, the atmosphere in Castor’s apartment consisted entirely of hydrogen, nitrogen and trace amounts of helium.)

Owners of the property have planned to convert the presently rent controlled apartments into high end condos. State law precludes owners from evicting rent-paying tenants. All the other former residents were forced out, says Castor. He has refused to leave and says that ownership is turning to drastic measures to make him go.

“I was taking the garbage out last week when a baby grand piano fell from above and missed me by inches,” said Castor. “Bill Martin used to above me. He’s been gone two months and never owned a piano.

“Three weeks ago a war party of Seneca Indians camped outside my door for two nights and repeatedly attempted to get inside. When they finally left I found a tomahawk buried my front door.”

Ownership has expressed surprise at the spurt of recent events and a Pinellas Sheriff’s Office investigation has found all recent incidents at the Del Sol Apartments to be of ‘natural origin’.

“That’s bullshit,” said Castor of the Sheriff’s Office findings. “I left my place Saturday at noon to go to the Wal-Mart. On the way to the car I was attacked by a snow leopard, which is insane because everyone knows that snow leopards hunt at dusk and dawn only. I was lucky enough to get in my vehicle before the leopard got to me.”

Castor has vowed to remain, despite the threats.

“I ain’t going anywhere,” he said.