WASHINGTON (AIP) – For the second Saturday in a row more than half a million women led by a host of celebrities staged a protest on the Mall in the nation’s capital to vent their anger over what they see as the abusive and coercive laws Euclidean Geometry .
“Fuck Euclid,” screamed pop star Madonna to a cheering crowd. “I’m here to tell you that a straight line segment can NOT be drawn between any two points. That’s homophobic, anti-trans, anti-black, anti-woman talk and we’re not going to stand for it.”
“I have a vagina and I don’t believe that all right angles are congruent.”
Organizers for this second march had hoped for at least 200,000 women to turn out in support their anti-geometry protest and were pleased when that number surged to over 500,000.
“The women of this country are sick and tired of white male geometry as usual,” said Dorothy Hammell, vice president of Women’s March Inc. and organizer of the march. “For way too long males in this country have forced the laws of geometry down our throats. It's like being raped and we’re sick and tired of being geometry's bitch.”
Singer Ashley Judd roused the crowd with her speech at the beginning of the March.
“I have a pussy,” Judd told ecstatic supporters. “That means that not any straight line segment can be extended indefinitely in a straight line because I have a pussy.
"I feel Hitler in these streets, exchanging a mustache for a congruent than sign. I have a pussy that says that not all triangles have three sides."
Hammell said that the group hopes to organize a protest against the laws of thermodynamics in the near future.
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Showing posts with label randy hall flordia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label randy hall flordia. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 24, 2017
Friday, October 28, 2016
Monday, October 13, 2014
Buccaneers Set New NFL Record
TAMPA (AIP) – The National Football League’s Tampa Bay Buccaneers set a new NFL record Sunday in their 48-17 loss to the Baltimore Ravens Sunday when 6,832 fans committed suicide with 28 seconds left in the first half of the game when field goal kicker Patrick Murray nailed the right upright and sent the ball careening outside the posts, botching up the field goal attempt and allowing the Ravens to maintain a 38-0 lead going into the half.
At that point most surviving fans agree that all hope was lost.
“That's when we lost all hope and my dad and his brothers – my five uncles – shot themselves in the head one after another on the patio,” said Tampa resident Kyle Conner. “I would have joined them but we ran out of ammo.”
Florida Highway Patrol Trooper MacKenzie MaGriff said that the sight of falling bodies from the picturesque Skyway Bridge, connecting St. Petersburg with Sarasota, was more than she could bare.
“Folks were jumping off the top of the bridge in droves,” said MaGriff. “It was literally raining men and women. It took 13 hours to clear the bridge of cars abandoned by suicide jumpers. Luckily Tampa Bay acts as a giant toilet that literally flushes the dead bodies out into the Gulf of Mexico so we aren’t faced with that nasty recovery and clean up problem.”
Twist Soul bar owner Kelly Craig had to bring in a hazmat team to remove the 60 bodies and clean the floor of blood at her popular Tampa Bay nightspot.
“There was brain matter and blood splatters everywhere,” said Craig. “I watched one patron attempt to cut his wrists with one of our butter knives. It took him over 10 minutes to open up a vein and bleed out.”
“We’ve had similar occurrences from 1976 to 1980 and then again in the mid 90’s,” said Hillsborough County Sheriff’s spokesman Michael Tompkins. “We don’t even investigate the individual deaths any more. Roughly 200 local folks kill themselves for every point that the Bucs lose by each Sunday. We only investigate if the death toll falls below that number.”
The Bucs have a bye week this coming Sunday and then host the Vikings on October 26 at 1:00p.m..
At that point most surviving fans agree that all hope was lost.
“That's when we lost all hope and my dad and his brothers – my five uncles – shot themselves in the head one after another on the patio,” said Tampa resident Kyle Conner. “I would have joined them but we ran out of ammo.”
Florida Highway Patrol Trooper MacKenzie MaGriff said that the sight of falling bodies from the picturesque Skyway Bridge, connecting St. Petersburg with Sarasota, was more than she could bare.
“Folks were jumping off the top of the bridge in droves,” said MaGriff. “It was literally raining men and women. It took 13 hours to clear the bridge of cars abandoned by suicide jumpers. Luckily Tampa Bay acts as a giant toilet that literally flushes the dead bodies out into the Gulf of Mexico so we aren’t faced with that nasty recovery and clean up problem.”
Twist Soul bar owner Kelly Craig had to bring in a hazmat team to remove the 60 bodies and clean the floor of blood at her popular Tampa Bay nightspot.
“There was brain matter and blood splatters everywhere,” said Craig. “I watched one patron attempt to cut his wrists with one of our butter knives. It took him over 10 minutes to open up a vein and bleed out.”
“We’ve had similar occurrences from 1976 to 1980 and then again in the mid 90’s,” said Hillsborough County Sheriff’s spokesman Michael Tompkins. “We don’t even investigate the individual deaths any more. Roughly 200 local folks kill themselves for every point that the Bucs lose by each Sunday. We only investigate if the death toll falls below that number.”
The Bucs have a bye week this coming Sunday and then host the Vikings on October 26 at 1:00p.m..
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