Old Rhyme Has A Ring of Truth

ALBANY, NY (AIP) – Virtually every child in American grew up repeating the rhyme ‘If the name ends in Tae, you stay away’ along with ‘Ring Around the Rosy’ and ‘Three Blind Mice’. Unlike the others It now seems as though the Tae rhyme has some truth to it.

“Ten years of statistics prove conclusively that over 87 percent of the violent crimes committed in the United States are committed by someone named either Diontae or Jovantae,” said William Miller, head of the National Crime Research Office in Albany. “More than three quarters of all murders, sexual assaults, armed robberies and carjackings are committed by a Tae.

"The statistics indicate that men whose name ends in Tae are excessively violent and sociopathic."

The numbers are so alarming that civil rights leader Rev. Jessie Jackson has created a Public Service Announcement that the major television networks are running urging women giving birth to carefully consider the name they give their new child.

“If you tag the end of your child’s name with Tae, there’s every chance that he will spend the majority of his life housed in a prison,” says Jackson in the ad. “Don’t destroy your son’s life before it’s even begun.”

Retired corrections officer James Van Winkle doesn’t need the Crime Research Office report to recognize the devastating effect Tae has on a young man’s life.

“That’s why we give them numbers when they come into the Department of Corrections,” said Van Winkle, a 35 year veteran in the corrections field. “Every other one was either a fucking Diontae or Jovantae. It was too hard to keep them straight if we called them by name.”