DOVER, FL (API) – Walmart cashier Andy Rawl, speaking at a
news conference on Wednesday, told reporters that the unfortunate inability of
the left and right sides of his brain to reach a consensus on a spending package
for the looming new fiscal year is likely to cause a partial spending shutdown
as early as this Friday.
“It’s unfortunate in today’s American that my left hemisphere
– liberal, party guy – has been unable work effectively with the right hemisphere
– conservative, adult – to craft a budget,” said Rawl. “Without an agreement
there will be no money.”
Despite the announcement of the shutdown Rawl was quick to
point out that essential services will not be effected.
“There will still be funding for pizza, the occasional date,
trips to Disney and new video games” said Rawl.
“The public need not worry about that.”
Meanwhile, rent payments, electric bills, credit card
payments and auto loan servicing is expected to come to an immediate halt as of
Friday.
“Let’s just hope that the left and right can get together
and solve this problem by at least next March,” said Rawl.
The stock market took the news badly, with the S&P 500 dropping almost 200 points to close at 2354.94
Wednesday after the announcement.
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