Dallas (AIP) -The Food and Drug Administration has given final approval for pharmaceutical giant Smith-Kolaxco to begin marketing its new men’s erection enhancement drug Advandic, the first medication approved for human use whose side effects actually outnumber its possible benefits.
“Life is about risk,” said Smith-Kolaxco senior vice president James Carter-Bing. “Just getting out of bed in the morning is a risk. We at Smith-Kolaxco would urge men who suffer erectile dysfunction to roll the dice with us on this one.”
In pharmaceutical trials the drug caused the deaths of more than 30 percent of study volunteers, and permanently disabled another 27 percent.
Possible side effects include, but are not limited to shortness of breath, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, temporary or permanent blindness, loss of hair, loss of consciousness, anxiety, anal bleeding, sleeplessness, a diminished sense of self-worth, deafness in one or both ears, non-arteritic anterior ischemic optic neuropathy and death.
“Sure, some very bad things may or may not happen if you take Advandic ,” said Carter-Bing, “but without its benefits you can be damn sure that the girl you’re unsuccessfully trying to bone is going to laugh you right out of the bed.”
Feedback? Ubetterubet129@hotmail.com
Showing posts with label Randall Hall Pinellas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Randall Hall Pinellas. Show all posts
Friday, April 18, 2014
Walmart Announces New Dress and Conduct Code
In a bow to its customer base, mega retailer Walmart is relaxing its formerly strict dress and conduct code for shoppers at all its store nationwide.
“It’s what (Walmart founder) Sam (Walton) would have wanted,” said corporate spokeswomen Heide McKinny. “People who would have liked to shop with us were instead going to Family Dollar or Kmart because of our antiquated dress and conduct code. Now they can come to us 24-7 and feel comfortable.”
Shoppers around the country seem to agree. Retail sales have spiked 8 percent since the new policy went into effect.
“Finally, the stuffy atmosphere is gone,” said customer Marc Ritchie, a construction worker from Chicago who lingered over the fresh produce section dressed in assless chaps and nipple pasties. “I definitely shop here more now.”
“I used to go to Kmart,” said James Aiken from Orlando. “I like to take a crap in the auto parts department. At Kmart I could mostly get away with it but got caught occasionally and did some jail time. Here I can run in for a bathroom rug, some pretzels, a coffee maker and then pinch off a loaf near the hubcaps and not have to worry about Big Brother ruining my shopping day.”
“We love the new feel,” said Missy Moore, who with her husband Ronnie from Plano, TX, enjoys having sexual intercourse in the children’s clothing section. They come to Walmart seven or eight times a week. "Being able to do it here really helps."
“Yeah. Makes me cum harder,” chimed in Ronnie.
“There’s no going back” said spokeswoman McKinny. “From now on it’s come as you are and do what you want at Walmart.”
Feedback? Ubetterubet129@hotmail.com
“It’s what (Walmart founder) Sam (Walton) would have wanted,” said corporate spokeswomen Heide McKinny. “People who would have liked to shop with us were instead going to Family Dollar or Kmart because of our antiquated dress and conduct code. Now they can come to us 24-7 and feel comfortable.”
Shoppers around the country seem to agree. Retail sales have spiked 8 percent since the new policy went into effect.
“Finally, the stuffy atmosphere is gone,” said customer Marc Ritchie, a construction worker from Chicago who lingered over the fresh produce section dressed in assless chaps and nipple pasties. “I definitely shop here more now.”
“I used to go to Kmart,” said James Aiken from Orlando. “I like to take a crap in the auto parts department. At Kmart I could mostly get away with it but got caught occasionally and did some jail time. Here I can run in for a bathroom rug, some pretzels, a coffee maker and then pinch off a loaf near the hubcaps and not have to worry about Big Brother ruining my shopping day.”
“We love the new feel,” said Missy Moore, who with her husband Ronnie from Plano, TX, enjoys having sexual intercourse in the children’s clothing section. They come to Walmart seven or eight times a week. "Being able to do it here really helps."
“Yeah. Makes me cum harder,” chimed in Ronnie.
“There’s no going back” said spokeswoman McKinny. “From now on it’s come as you are and do what you want at Walmart.”
Feedback? Ubetterubet129@hotmail.com
Monday, April 14, 2014
golfing
In a moment of amazing clarity Elden realized that most of the things he really enjoyed in retrospect were very much akin to ripping off a bandage.
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Thursday, March 13, 2014
My luck
Stopped on the way home and purchased a lottery scratch off ticket. Scratched the laytex surface off to reveal a judgment lien against myself.
Monday, March 10, 2014
My Friend
This horrible event unfolds like a
Flower in a winter hot house
With that sickly smell of
Death rising
To the nose too sweetly.
"See you in two weeks" you said
But of course you won't.
How many mornings my friend
Did you cook for me
And force my smile?
It lacerates.
Flower in a winter hot house
With that sickly smell of
Death rising
To the nose too sweetly.
"See you in two weeks" you said
But of course you won't.
How many mornings my friend
Did you cook for me
And force my smile?
It lacerates.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
” It is enough if you don’t freeze in the cold and if thirst and hunger don’t claw at your insides. If your back isn’t broken, if your feet can walk, if both arms can bend, if both eyes can see, if both ears hear, then whom should you envy? And why?”
-Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn.
On the other hand…
“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation.”
- Henry David Thoreau.
I guess it is all about perception. How one chooses to look and see and to interpret the things that come into each of our worlds.
Perhaps George Carlin explained it best: “Reminds me of something my third-grade teacher said to us. She said, “You show me a tropical fruit and I’ll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.”
-Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn.
On the other hand…
“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation.”
- Henry David Thoreau.
I guess it is all about perception. How one chooses to look and see and to interpret the things that come into each of our worlds.
Perhaps George Carlin explained it best: “Reminds me of something my third-grade teacher said to us. She said, “You show me a tropical fruit and I’ll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.”
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