Qualquarter Issues Recall

Tampa (AIP) - Qualquarter Corporation, makers of some of the world's finest quarterbacks, has announced a recall on their 2018 Jamis Winston model because of a faulty decision-making chip.

"Unfortunately the 2018 Winston model has a defective chip that defaults to the exact wrong option when under pressure," said Qualquarter spokesperson Maria Hottenburg. "Presently we are unsure whether or not the chip can be replaced."

This is the second time in four years that the company, makers of such great models as the Brett Farve and the Joe Montana models, has had to announce a recall on the Winston line.

"Regrettably, this recall is our second one for the Winston product," said Hottenburg. "Our company also had to recall the 2017 Winston because of a defective morals server.

"There will be, of course, no refunds or replacements as is our policy."

President Shuffles Hurricane Name List

WASHINGTON (API) – President Donald Trump, fresh from his stunning political victory gaining conformation for new Supreme Court Associate Justice Brett Kavanaugh, today signed an executive order requiring that the next four hurricanes to threaten the continental United States be named Deontae, Patel, Santiago and Shemeka.

Democratic Senator Cory Booker (R-New Jersey) was quick to lash out at the new order.

“This racist order from this racist President is a slap in the face to every person of color in the country,” a visibly anger Booker told reporters.  “I’m not going to mince words.  It's an outrage. He’s a blatant racist.  This is my Martin Luther King Jr. moment.”

White House deputy spokesman Carol McPhee was asked about the President’s response to Booker’s criticism.

“The President is merely attempting to be more inclusive,” McPhee told reporters Thursday.  “After all, the last four major hurricanes to hit this country were named Harvey, Irma, Nate and Michael.”