Thursday, August 15, 2019

DCF Agents Stop Tragedy


DELTONA, FL (AIP) – Agents from the Florida Department of Children and Family Services (DCF), on a tip from an unnamed source, raided a local hospital and stopped hospital authorities from filling out a newborns birth certificate that would have violated the Florida Fair Appellation Act (FFAA).

“An anonymous source called our office and told us that Ms. Martha Jones was preparing to name her newborn boy Shrodderick Diywon Jones,” said DCF spokesman William Bryant. “That’s a direct violation of the FFAA. With that name the newborn child would have been denied any chance at success in life outside professional sports.

“So we stepped in to stop this madness and give this child a chance.”

Bryant told reporters that upon their arrival DCF agents were able to talk Ms. Jones out of destroying her baby’s future. She decided instead to name him ‘Mark’, after her grandfather.

“Thank god we caught her before the birth certificate had been filled out,” Bryant told reporters.  “Otherwise the process is much more arduous.”

The FFAA was passed into law in late 2019 in order to stop parents of newborns from giving them “made up, frivolous, ludicrous, funny sounding or internally incorrectly spelled names”.  By law, if a parent names their newborn a FFAA violating name and gets the birth certificate filled out the parent would be brought before a judge and required to complete a DCF approved case plan in order to retain custody of the child.

“The plan usually requires the parent to legally change the child’s name to ‘Bill’ or ‘Mary’,” said Bryant.  “That’s usually the entire case plan.”

No comments: