VAN NUYS, CA (AIP) – After almost two years of tottering on the brink of financial ruin and threatening to destabilize the entire European Union, Greece today announced that it had won the Powerball Lottery and was fiscally sound again.
“It’s a godsend,” Greece told reporters on Thursday. “When I saw that Powerball come up I had this feeling that I was going to win it all. This 1.4 large is really going to go a long way toward turning things around for me.”
Lottery officials were pleased that so deserving a nation could win the big one.
“It’s good to see a poor country finally have something good happen to it,” said Lottery spokesman Daryl Mays.
The only kink in the storybook windfall for Greece was the Germany reaction.
“We actually loaned Greece the money to buy the quick picks,” said German chancellor Angela Merkel. “Greece didn’t have a pot to piss in without us. I’ll be speaking to attorneys about possible legal recourses to claim at least a portion of the prize money.”
Despite Greece’s vow to become financially stable going forward, reporters did note that Greece was spotted at LA’s trendy Rooftop at the Standard bar with porn starlets Tori Black and Jayden Jaymes.
“They’re old friends,” said Greece when questioned by reporters. “I just wanted to get together and have a nice lunch before I returned to Europe with the big check.”