NEW YORK CITY (AIP) – A group of internationally renowned scientists has released the results of their 25-year study and have concluded that former Secretary of State and putative Democratic Presidential nominee Hillary Clinton is apparently not subject to the laws of gravity.
“She can literally float above the surface of the planet,” said lead scientist Dr. Bjorn Kennedy. “The laws of gravity that all things on the planet - indeed in the entire universe - are subject to simply do not apply to Mrs. Clinton.”
Reporters covering husband Bill Clinton’s first campaign for President first noticed that Mrs. Clinton seemed to be above certain natural laws more than 25 years ago. That’s when scientists began their study.
“We were dropping her off cliffs and she simply wouldn’t fall,” said Kennedy. “She is, in fact, unable to dive into a swimming pool or even jump rope. She floats above everything and apparently nothing can bring her down.”
Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump was quick to jump on the study and its conclusions on Tuesday.
“They say she floats but I say that she maliciously hovers,” said Trump at a campaign stop in North Carolina. “She hovers up there, just watching and waiting. It’s creepy.”