Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Biden Violates Probation

WASHINGTON D.C – The United States Probation Office for the District of Columbia announced today that Vice President Joe Biden has once again failed a random drug test, causing his probation officer to forward a violation of probation affidavit to the Court.

“This is the fourth time the Vice President has pissed dirty,” said probation officer Roslyn Jefferson. “He’s also behind in his financial obligations and has missed a couple of required meetings.”

Mr. Biden has been on probation since April 1, 2016 after pleading guilty to his third DUI. The conviction came after Mr. Biden wrapped his 1968 Chevy Camaro around a tree just off Pennsylvania Avenue in downtown Washington in a one car, 3:00 a.m. accident. Officers at the scene said that the Vice President was belligerent and reeked of alcohol.

“You fucking pigs know who I am?” Mr. Biden is alleged to have been screaming at the time of his arrest according to the incident report. The report also states that officers were ‘forced to escort the defendant to the ground’ in order to effect the arrest.

In a written statement to the press President Barak Obama said that Mr. Biden’s recent failure to complete probation greatly upset both himself and wife Michelle.

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