Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Opening Arguments Begin In Lawsuit

CHESHIRE, ENGLAND (AIP) – Opening Statements began today between co-defendants Hamilton Fence Company and the King, who find themselves being sued by the estate of Mr. Humpty Dumpty, whose life was allegedly cut short by a fall from a defective wall built by the Hamilton Company.

“Hamilton Fence created an attractive nuisance with the construction of that wall which enticed my client,” said Attorney Charles Beck-Whitmore, counsel for the Dumpty’s estate. “And after his tragic fall, both the King’s horses and the King’s men rendered ineffectual medical care, hastening the death of Mr. Dumpty.”

Beck-Whitmore is best known for successfully suing the owner of the hill where his client Jack fell down and broke his crown.

“The plaintiff in this case knew or should have known that - being an egg - a fall from any height would likely be fatal and therefore should have avoided climbing the Hamilton wall,” said defense attorney Carol Wagner. “He was the primary contributor to his own demise.”

Martin Kline, attorney for co-defendant the King, took a similar line.

“Dumpty was a well-know daredevil,” said Kline. “His shell was only 400 micromillimeters thick, for god’s sake. It’s like he was trying to die.”

The plaintiff accuses the both the King’s horses and the King’s men of improper medical attention after the fall.

“There was yolk fucking everywhere,” said Kline. “How were the defendants supposed to put that back together again?”

Arguments in the case continue tomorrow.

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