Friday, November 6, 2015

Saints Find Key To Victory

NEW ORLEANS (AIP) – The New Orleans Saints, whose stunning 27-20 upset of the Carolina Panthers last Sunday was inspired by the remarkable play of rookie safety Michael Keenan after his brother was murdered in Fredericksburg less than 48 hours before the game, has inspired Saints management to take a new path to future victory.

“We’ve decided that we’re going to have one of our player’s relatives murdered by at least Friday of every week during the regular season,” said Saints general manager Clayton Max. “It’s amazing what a homicide can do for the won-loss record.”

Max said that the selection of the next victim would be random, ensuring that each player has an equal and ample opportunity to have a standout, career game.

“By having a player’s loved one gunned down, we’re allowing our men to put some fantastic plays on tape,” said Max. “We’re going to use a modified scissors, paper, rock selection process to pick each week’s victim.”

Max expects to see some great things with this new strategy.

“If we make the playoffs we might go ahead and have entire family units slaughtered,” said Max. “This approach to the playoffs gives us a real shot at the Super Bowl.”

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