COLUMBIA, MO (AIP) – The group Concerned Student 1950 began the ritual executions of professors and staffers at the University of Missouri on Wednesday, vowing to cleanse the campus of “unrighteous, bigoted and racist” university personnel.
“These motherfuckers are going to lose their heads,” said student activist and Concerned Student 1950 leader Marcus Washburn. “We’re going to drive elitist behavior, white privilege and tough curriculum right off of this campus at knife point.”
Three professors from the History Department were decapitated late Wednesday, according to a video posted on YouTube by a group claiming to be the Revolutionary Peoples Student Government, a heretofore unknown organization.
The video purports to show the three white professors, each over 60, being forced to kneel and then hoodie-wearing students can be seen taking large knives and decapitating the victims. A voice-over on the video announces that the students at the University of Missouri are sick and tired of racism and disrespect, white privilege, bigotry and tough academic standards.
“Kids will be kids,” said Missouri Department of Investigation head Culpepper Lee. “We all had some wild times in college. They’ll outgrow this.”
Meanwhile protestors clashed with graduate student teachers near the campus gym, the last stronghold of academia. Protesters vowed to “clean out that nest of racism and put all resistance to the sword.”