Thursday, August 14, 2014

Sterling Buys New Team

LOS ANGELES (AIP) – Donald Sterling, forced to sell the Los Angeles Clippers basketball team by the National Basketball Association (NBA), announced today that he had inked a deal with Herschend Family Entertainment to purchase the Harlem Globetrotters and its sister exhibition squad the Washington Generals.

“Basketball is in my blood,” said Sterling. “Those people in the NBA can force me out, but I’m staying in the game.”

Mark Shapiro, spokesman for Sterling, said that the new owner plans to keep alive the tradition of the Globetrotters, but make a few changes to bring the concept into the 21st century.

“Well, we plan to move the team to Edgefield, South Carolina, to honor the memory of Senator Strom Thrumond, “said Shapiro. “And we’re going to alter the name to the Edgefield Globetrotters. And, of course, we plan to make the all white Generals the perennial victors over the African-American ‘Trotters, in order to follow Mr. Sterling’s business model.”

Famous Globetrotter alumni Meadowlark Lemon refused comment on the deal; however alumni teammate Fred “Curly” Neal did briefly go on the record.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” said Neal.


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