NEW YORK (AIP) – Beloved purple and green dinosaur Barney, hero to a myriad of television watching children, has stunned and sadden his audience by leaving the United States and apparently joining others in the ranks of the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS), according to his longtime manager Buck Woodson.
“I know kids are stunned,” said Woodson. “Hell, I’m stunned. When I saw the video of Barney in the bed of that truck brandishing an AK47 during the battle for Palmyra I was shocked. There’s no mistaking a purple dino carrying an Islamic State flag. It’s him.”
Barney’s radicalization and embracing of ISIS is just the most recent in a growing list of American cartoon characters that have joined the ranks of the radical Islamic group attempting to create a caliphate in the Middle East.
“At first it was just Archie and Jughead so we weren’t really worried,” said Department of Homeland Security undersecretary Carolyn McMichael. “But then Bart Simpson joined, followed by Scooby Doo and Popeye.
“When Charlie Brown and Linus showed up in ISIS videos we knew we were in trouble.”
The Pentagon has announced that artists Stan Lee and Charles Schultz have agreed to consult with military planners on how best to erase the defectors from the battle field.
“We feel very fortunate, national security-wise,that none off the Disney stable of characters has been radicalized up till now,” said McMichael.