Thursday, November 13, 2014

Earthwatch Announces Study Findings

ZURICH (AIP) – Scientists with Earthwatch International announced today that a recently completed multi-decade study shows an abrupt and alarming increase in the volume of manmade stupid in the atmosphere and is a definite threat to the future of the planet.

“If this continues at the historically unprecedented rate we have measured over the last 10 years we expect manmade stupid to cover over three fourths of the planet by the year 2017,” said Dr Reinhardt Christoff, chief research fellow with Earthwatch, a Zurich based foundation. “Human stupid is a real and growing threat to the planet.”

Manmade stupid includes the banal – locking one’s keys in the car along with the baby on a hot summer day- to the extreme evidenced by a nation of 300 million people voting for a president who rammed through the Affordable Care Act and has a two term vice president like Joe Biden.

“That’s a concrete example of what we’ve been finding and what is so alarming,” said Christoff. “I mean Joe Fucking Biden? He’s like the king of stupid.”

Naysayers, like Senator Max Goldberg (R- Montana), doubt the threat is as extreme as some would say.

“Folks have always been stupid,” said Goldberg. “Richard Nixon got a landslide second term and that was over 40 years ago, long before this alleged crisis began. This isn’t settled science. People have a long history of stupid.”


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