BETHESDA, MD (AIP) – The Republican war on women went from a cold one to a hot one Sunday as a White Republican Male battalion, in a sharp but brief fire fight with a group of women at the Chevy Chase Shopping Pavilion, killed 26 and gravely injuring another 42 before heavy artillery drove off the attackers.
“We caused them a lot of damage today,” said Lieutenant Colonel Michael Van Patten, commander of the battalion. “We hit them hard and we’re going to continue hitting them until they’ve been destroyed as a fighting force.
"It's a war and war means people die."
Democratic Party chairman Representative Debbi Wasserman Schultz was not surprised by the attack.
“We’ve been expecting it for a long,” said Wasserman, speaking by phone from an undisclosed bunker location. “We have representatives speaking with military officials in France and a few other countries seeking military aid. We’re going to come back from this.”
Postings on Pinterest by a number of women caught in the fighting painted a grim picture.
“They out maneuvered us and we were caught in a double envelopment,” said one anonymous post. “It was a bigger massacre than the battle of Cannae.”
Van Patten told reports that his troops would continue to operate in the area until the threat had been completely removed.
“Then we’re headed to San Francisco. It’s a cesspool out there and we’re gonna clean it up,” said Van Patten. “We have intelligence that indicates that the Pelosi Division is operating out there. We plan to destroy it.”