Monday, August 31, 2015

Kyle Sandbags Reporters

TAMPA (AIP) – Local resident Mitch Kyle, speaking to reporters at his weekly press conference on Monday, appeared disheveled and unshaven and singularly unable to explain himself or his actions over the prior 48 hours.

“I don’t really remember,” said Kyle, his tie unknotted and hair uncombed. “Some of it’s pretty hazy and the rest of it is best left alone. I’m not really sure I should even be talking about it. As far as I remember nobody got hurt and my car – undamaged - is parked in its usual spot.”

Reporters were quick to point out that many unanswered questions surround Kyle’s weekend activities. Questions that loomed large in light of his future aspirations. He was fierce in his refusal to be pinned down.

“There are many things I may or may not have done,” said Kyle. “I’m not sure why any of it is any of your business.”

Sources have hinted at some ‘unseemly activities’ that Kyle may have participated in on both the previous Saturday and Sunday, but a public records check revealed no arrests or outstanding warrants.

Sheriff's Office spokesman Chris Hamilton said that his office is reviewing surveillance video from several locations in the Tampa area. Hillsborough County State Attorney Henry Lee Crow refused to comment about any ongoing investigation.

“Why don’t you people leave me alone?” Kyle asked as he ended the press conference. “I haven’t done anything wrong.”

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