NEW YORK (AIP) – A team of doctors and genetic researchers, hired by the Clinton Foundation to run a complete medical work up of former Secretary of State and First Lady Hillary Clinton made a startling announcement Friday at a hastily called press conference.
“Mrs. Clinton is in fine physical health,” said team leader Dr. Sidney Bloom. “However we discovered that there is something slightly irregular in her genetic makeup. The average human has about 24,000 genes in the genome. Mrs. Clinton has 23,999. She appears to have been born without the gene that produces truthfulness in humans.”
Clinton campaign vice chairman Miles Brooks was ecstatic when he heard the news.
“So her critics are all wrong,” said Brooks. “It isn’t moral failure, hubris, or venality. She was born with the physical inability to tell the complete and absolute truth. Untruthfulness is a part of her genetic makeup.”
Political writer Penny Goring was not particularly surprised at the announcement from the Clinton camp.
“Many people born with this defect seem to gravitate toward politics,” said Goring, in an article for the New York Post. “Perhaps the most famous was Richard Nixon, but there have been and are plenty of others. But those with this handicap aren’t found exclusively in politics. NBC’s Brian Williams apparently suffers from the same defect.
“This is really the best news the campaign could have gotten,” said Brooks. “Hillary certainly appealed to the woman voters, but now handicapped people everywhere can identify with her. The White House is hers in 2016.”
The Clinton campaign immediately secured Handicap parking hang tags in all 50 states for Mrs. Clinton.