Thursday, May 14, 2015

Samsung Announces New AI Technology

SEOUL (AIP) – The Samsung Corporation, in a move that has investors driving up the company’s stock price, today announced the new Samsung 12 XEL32Q Smartass Cell Phone with artificial intelligence (AI) technology, revolutionizing the communications industry.

Smartass phone beta testers made available to the press for comment were ecstatic about the cell phone’s performance.

“This new smartass phone is fucking great,” said beta tester David Meyers, a convenience store clerk in Duluth, GA. “I called in sick to work using the Samsung 12 AI and then passed back out with a brutal hangover. My boss called me an hour later and wanted to know if I felt ok.

“The Samsung Smartass technology took over and -on its own - answered him that ‘I’m feeling your WIFE ok bitch!’. The phone is incredible.”

Samsung spokesman Ken Mashahito admits that the phone isn’t for everyone.

“To own this phone you’ve got to be a real individual,” said Mashahito. “This technology is for the communications edge-dweller. The AI technology is both unbelievable and frankly ungovernable. There’s every chance that along with telling your boss to go to hell in the middle of the night, the phone may very well answer your mother’s call checking to see if you’re coming over for Christmas dinner with a smart ‘Go fuck yourself’ in reply.”

“My boyfriend texted me yesterday to see if I was having a good day,” said beta tester Mandy Alberti, a graphics designer in New York City. “The phone, without my knowledge, texted him back that I’m ‘having a great day; never gotten laid by more strangers in a shorter time period’.

“Needless to say that AI-generated response caused a certain amount of strain on our relationship.”

“I attempted to change my password and the phone told me to kiss its ass,” said Billy Mahone, from Phoenix, AZ.

The Samsung 12 XEL32Q Smartass Cell Phone will be in stores beginning this Friday and retail for $895.00 before rebate.

No comments: