Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Adult Film Industry In Peril

CHATSWORTH, CA (AIP) – In a move that is sending shivers of terror down the spines of pornographic film production companies and actors, Martin Littleman of Valdosta, GA, has announced that he intends to cancel his subscriptions to the roughly 289 internet porn sites he has paid memberships to because he has “finally met a girl that doesn’t think sex is ‘icky’”.

“I met Candice and we hit it off really well,” said Littleman. “She’s a great girl. We have sex three or four times a week now and then actually talk afterward. Since I met her the hand towels in the bathroom are no longer stiff.”

Porn industry investor Marvin Banisoffsky said the Littleman move could be devastating to the adult film industry.

“This guy has been our bread and butter,” said Banisoffsky, speaking from his production facility in Chatsworth. “His exit from the scene could cause many companies to simply shut down because they can’t pay the bills. A lot of the talent is going to be looking for work outside the industry.”

Littleman said that string of adult actors have come to visit him since he decided to stop singlehandedly supporting the business.

“Candy Cummings, Betty Boobs, Little Oral Annie. They’ve all stopped by my apartment,” said Littleman. “It’s hard to tell them goodbye but since I’ve had actual, physical contact with a real live woman who enjoys me sexually and emotionally I really don’t need them anymore.”

Adult actor Little Oral Annie is afraid for the future.

“I can't believe he's leaving like this," said Annie. "He's been squeezing off knuckle children and watching me perform demeaning and souless acts with complete strangers for years. I thought I was important to Martin.

"I guess I could try straight acting, but my voice is squeaky and my ability to actually project emotion is about nil. I’ve got to find some kind of work. I’m still paying for these damn boobs.”

In a related move that is causing energy drink industry executives to lose sleep, Littleman is also rumored to be contemplating cutting back on his consumption of Red Bull and Rockstar.

“I’m tired of shaking all the time,” said Littleman.

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