Monday, December 1, 2014

Buccaneers File Suit Against Health Care Company

TAMPA (AIP) – The National Football League’s Tampa Bay Buccaneers have filed a civil law suit against Ammogenesis Health Group, alleging that the team has paid the company upwards of $120,000 to provide its players with performance enhancing drugs that the team claims were ‘substandard’.

“We’ve paid Ammogenesis a lot of money to provide our players with top-shelf HGH, Beta-2 Agonists, dimethylamphentamine and Ritalin, among other things,” said team spokesman Marc Thibadoux. “That’s a lot of money to be 2 and 10. Clearly our guys aren’t getting the same quality of drugs that the Eagles or Cardinals are taking.”

“That’s bullshit,” countered Link Christianson, President of Ammogenesis. “The thing is, you’ve got to have a modicum of talent for these drugs to be effective. The Bucs just don’t. I could pump every player on that team full of pure cocaine and they still couldn’t beat Oakland.”

Longtime fans agree.

“The only way our team wins more than two games is if the visiting team happens to fly Malaysian Airlines,” said fan club president Marvin Isabella. “All the drugs in the world aren’t gonna enhance the performance of these losers.”

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