WASHINGTON (AIP) – President Barack Obama, following up on his recent executive orders on immigration and normalization of relations with the Nation of Cuba, stunned reporters Thursday by announcing that he has ordered the word ‘white’ to be replaced with ‘peckerwood’ in all Federal documents and ‘white’ to be expunged from the English language.
“The American people wanted me to take bold action, with or without congress,” said Obama in a press conference from the Rose Garden. “The vast majority of Americans hate and are ashamed by the word ‘white’. From now on, what used to be called ‘white’ will be called ‘peckerwood’.”
Crayola Crayon, Maytag and Nestle were just a few of the companies that began scrambling late Thursday to comply with the new Federal rule and rename their products.
“We’re recalling about 7 million boxes of crayons to re-label the crayon in question as the color peckerwood,” said Crayola spokesman Milton Gumbo. “We’ve been told that if we don’t we’d be in violation and have to pay taxes up to 48 percent of our corporate earnings. We’re happy to comply.”
Republic Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio) said that his party’s leadership is highly miffed at the President’s unilateral action.
“We’re highly miffed,” said Boehner. “We might think about possibly doing something eventually to correct this overstep by the President.”
Obama said that he has assurances from England and most other English speaking countries to make the same change and remove ‘white’ from the English lexicon.
“’White’ is finished as a valid English word,” said Obama. "From now on it's 'peckerwood'".