Wednesday, December 31, 2014

UCLA Professor Releases Internet Book

LOS ANGELES (AIP) – In his stunning new book ‘How The Web Was Made’, University of California computer science Professor Leonard Kleintop, one of the men on the scene, gives readers the interesting and little known history of the early days of what has become the internet, and how it changed the world forever.

“Several of us computer science guys from UCLA and Stanford got together in the early 1960s and tried to figure out a way we could swiftly and easily exchange pornography and information on both getting a larger penis and meeting hot local women,” said Kleintop, in an interview at a Barnes and Nobles book signing on Thursday. “I was able to send the first message over what was then known as ARPANET from our lab to Stanford. It was a picture of a topless coed.”

Stanford computer science Professor Max Hastings received that first message at Sanford’s Research Institute.

“That bitch was hot,” said Hastings. “But I knew in order to impress her I had to have information on how to achieve a larger, longer-lasting erection. Professor Kleintop was able to message me that information over the ARPANET. I now have a cock the size of an anaconda thanks to the breakthrough.”

That breakthrough was just the beginning of the World Wide Web we use today.

“It wasn’t long after that that we scientists, utilizing government research grants, found a way to stream pornographic video between the nodes,” said Hastings. “We had to overcome several technical problems but were finally able stream child pornography in August of 1968.”

Former Vice President Al Gore, who Kleintop said had ‘absolutely nothing’ to do with the development of the internet, wrote the forward to the book.

“You can find local hot girls for dating, see dirty pictures and movies, gamble, view Middle East beheadings, play games, post your inane and boring thoughts, threaten others, find conspiracy theories, I mean anything you want,” writes Gore. “I can pick out a hooker from a large list on a website from my home in Tennessee, fly halfway around the world in my private jet and have that bitch waiting in my hotel room at the Global Climate Change Conference in Christchurch, New Zeland.

"The web is pretty whiz-bang.”

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