SAN CLEMENTE, CA (AIP) – President Barack Obama today announced that the White House, home to presidents since 1800, would no longer be his official residence and that he would be moving into the exclusive Talega Golf Club, located in Orange County.
“The President has been under a great deal of stress and needs to relax,” said Obama, speaking to reporters while lagging putts on the practice green beside the first tee box. “I can’t think of a better place for the President to kick back and get centered than on this beautiful par 72 Freddie Couples designed course.”
The President said that any mail for him can be sent care of the Talega Golf Club and phone calls requiring his attention can be made to Jimmie, master bartender in the club’s Signature Grille Restaurant, whom he will check with frequently for messages.
“The President is firm in his decision,” said former White House and now Talega Golf Club spokesman Josh Earnest. “He feels that the living in the White House doesn’t allow him to understand how the common folk live and play. By taking up residence at the exclusive Talega Club he will be able to rub elbows with ordinary men and women.”
The President, while playing a high stakes poker game with club members in the men’s locker room after a grueling 18 holes of grinding sand saves and snaking putts, said that the change was necessary in order for him to accomplish his goals as president.
“When I’m in Washington all I hear are questions about ISIL, or the Ukraine, or Ferguson,” said an obviously irritated Obama. “Here we can shoot the shit, have a couple drinks and just kick back. And the club's hyper-restrictive membership requirements will go a long way toward protecting me from the riff raff that I’m had to stomach for the last six years.”