Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Baylor Unable To Explain Poor Decisions

PRESCOTT, AZ (AIP) – Louis Baylor, famous nationally for his string of bad choices in critical life matters, was unable to give a cogent explanation to reporters again on Friday concerning his latest bone-headed decision which has caused his life to take yet another downward spiral.

“What can I tell you guys?” said Baylor, an independent contractor for a local cold call vacation phone operation. “It seems like I’m singularly unable to look at a clear choice between two competing directions and figure out the one that is actually in my best interests.”

Baylor’s incredible string of bad choices first began in 2000, when he sold a gold coin collection his late father had amassed and poured the proceeds into stock in the Enron Company. In 2001 Enron went famously tits up.

“Yeah, that wasn’t so smart,” said Baylor.

Following a string of horribly bad personal choices from 2001 to 2007 that cost Baylor his home, wife, at least two loyal dogs and the tip of his left pinky Baylor made the incredibly bad decision to invest the proceeds from his mother’s life insurance policy with Bear Stearns in early 2008.

“I don’t know what I was thinking on that one,” said Baylor.

As recently as February, 2015 Baylor ‘bet the farm’ on the Seattle Seahawks to beat New England in the Super Bowl.

“I can’t believe I lost my grandfather’s farm on that one,” said Baylor.

Baylor’s next chance to really fuck things up for himself will come in May of this year, when he will purchase airline tickets for his next vacation.

“It’s either Tahiti or Fallujah, Iraq,” Baylor told reporters. “I’m having a tough time deciding.”

No comments: