Friday, April 10, 2015

BMW Offers Breakthrough Safety Feature

CHICAGO (AIP) – Premier car manufacturer BMW has announced the latest breakthrough safety feature in the company’s continuing quest to build a safer car. Beginning with this year’s models, the BMW will no longer allow its owners to drive anywhere they are inappropriately dressed to go.

“It’s amazing,” said BMW 328S owner Marty Spankman. “Last week I came out of the house to go to the office and had inadvertently grabbed a green tie to go with my blue suit. The car stubbornly refused to start until I went back inside and got a red tie. The car probably saved my life.”

“Our new safety breakthrough will certainly avert many tragic events for our owners,” said BMW spokesman Klaus Goering.

Mary Suffield of Columbia, S.C. agreed.

“I had this suit on and my Bimmer told me that the pants made my ass look big,” said Suffield. “I switched to a dress and was the life of the party at the office Christmas luncheon.”

The new feature takes some getting used to, according to Michael Paine, of Gary, I.N.

“I spent about an hour trying to explain to the damn car that it was Casual Friday at the office but it still wouldn’t budge,” said Paine. “I finally phoned the dealer who told me that I had failed to purchase the Casual Friday upgrade when I bought the car. He was able to download it to the car and I was finally on my way to work.”

Goering was quick to dispel the notion that the safety feature may BMW models occasionally recalcitrant to take the owners where they need to go.

“The executive package software will take our owners wherever they want,” said Goering. “Along with the Casual Friday upgrade we also offer a Wal-Mart option that will allow the owner to drive to that location in his or her pajamas”.

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