Thursday, February 5, 2015

Sessions Gets 15 Years

Orlando (AIP) - Guy Sessions, creator and CEO of the wildly popular They Like It Up The Ass brand of children's rectal thermometers was sentenced to 15 years in federal prison Friday, immediately after a jury found him quilty following a two month trial.

"We're going to appeal," said Sessions' attorney Mike Dodge. "My client is innocent. "

Sessions, who legally changed his name from Emilio Saurez-Martinez,  who had no medical or engineering experience and often described himself as a 'tinkerer', founded the They Like It Up The Ass brand in the late 1980s and raked in millions of dollars. He was convicted of falsifying his income tax fillings for the last three years.

(Editors note: You thought he was going to jail for sodomizing children,  didn't you? You're one sick fuck.)

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