Friday, February 27, 2015

Burlington Makes Fatal Error

DAVIE, FL (AIP) - Chad Burlington, displaying a youthful mistake attributable to his limited experience with women, exposed a major flaw in his strategic 'get laid' game plan Friday evening when he committed the fatal error of putting fresh towels in the bathroom before his girlfriend Molly Richards arrived early in the evening.

"She had been working all day at the Hallmark store and told me she always feels dirty when she leaves work and might want a shower before we go out for the evening," said Burlington. "So I put fresh towels in the bathroom. She arrived at 6, had a glass of wine and went to get a shower. That's when all hell broke lose."

Molly takes the story from there.

"I was in the bathroom. I had taken my clothes off and started the water in the shower, waiting for it to heat up," said Molly, visibly shaken from her ordeal. "Then the bath towel told me I 'had a great ass' and the wash clothes said I was a 'pretty young thing', had a 'bitchin bod" and wanted my phone number.

"The linens were pretty fresh. They brushed my shoulder. I felt objectified, humiliated and a little threatened."

The Hand Towel, unaccused in the incident, spoke to reporters in an attempt to minimize his friends indiscretions.

"They were fresh, admittedly, " said the Towel. "They had a few in them. They were just being playful."

"I apologized repeatedly about having the fresh towels out, " said Burlington. "I even spoke to the kitchen sponge and bar wipe about their behavior to make sure they didn't get out of line. Molly was inconsolable. I feel horrible."

Molly is weighing her options.

"Chad is really cute, but the linens he hangs out with are rude, sexist jerks," she said. "I'm not sure what I plan to do."

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