UNITED NATIONS (AIP) – Former First Lady and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was struck dead by a lightning bolt out of the clear blue sky on Tuesday as she walked down the steps from the United Nations Building moments after giving a press conference about use of personal email for government business.
“She danced like a poorly handled marionette for about 15 seconds and then crumpled in a heap near the sewer grate,” said bystander Melvin Marquette. “The lightning struck the top of her head and she screamed once, did that awful dance and was down.”
Calls to the Office of God Almighty were not returned but a highly ranking anonymous officer in the Department of the Celestial spoke to reporters on the condition he not be identified and filled in some of the blanks.
“Upper management had pretty much had it with her, and upper management is very patient,” said the officer. “Her hubris filled, continual disassembling of reality coupled with her seemingly genetic inability to just tell the truth was too much; ergo dead, lying bitch.
“Frankly, my office hasn’t seen The Big Lie used so often and with such arrogant ease since Joe Goebbels was writing op-ed pieces for the Berlin newspaper Der Angriff.”
The official said that similar future actions might be in the offing.
“Guys like MSNBC’s Chris Matthews, Eric Holder and Brian Williams might do well to pay very close attention to this incident,” he said.
Clinton's final book, a history of her public service entitled There Isn't A Specific Statute goes on sale Friday.