Monday, March 30, 2015

President Signs Executive Global Warming Order

WASHINGTON (AIP) – President Barack Obama, citing new scientific findings on manmade global warming, today signed an executive order that greatly curtails the wearing of high heels by women in the United States and its territories.

“Women in heels are very hot,” said Obama at a press conference in the Oval Office. “The number of women who are really hot in heels are greatly increased in the last 30 years, driving the overall global temperature up dramatically. I have taken executive actions to push back against this threat to our planet. Simply put, no more Prada.”

Industry leaders Prada, Karo’s, Coach and Pleasers are taking a firm stand.

“The President’s unilateral action without a vote by congress is appalling,” said industry spokesman Martin Van Kyle. “Of course women look hot in high heels, but that doesn’t mean they’re destroying the atmosphere. Good lord, they’re just shoes.”

Members of the adult pornography industry were equally outraged.

“What am I supposed to have my actresses wear? Sketchers?”, said adult film director Morey Blankenship. “This move will destroy our art.”

The new executive action also severely limits the use of cleavage and pear-shaped asses.

“These things are destroying our world, melting the arctic ice and causing the oceans to rise worldwide,” said Obama. “Our society has far too many hot breasts and asses.”


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