YOUNGSTOWN, OH (AIP) – Calling globe warming “settled science” President Barack Obama today visited the nation’s first global warming plant and toured the Hotx Corporation facilities surrounded by happy and enthusiastic employees.
“The folks that work here at Hotx are some of the best trained and best equipped workers in the United States,” said Obama while watching a demonstration of the CO2 mega emissions apparatus, a key part of the huge complex. “These private sector workers, with just a little help from the government, have really made an impact on both this community and the entire world. Other nations complain about global warm but you are making it happen.”
“We’re proud of how effective we’ve been,” boasted Hotx Chief Technical Officer Benjamin Keffer. “We’ve been in operation for exactly one year and have been instrumental in raising the median global temperature almost 2 degrees. Because of us the Maldives Island chain might completely disappear due to rising sea levels. And there’s certainly an increased danger to Bangladesh. We have a lot to be proud of.”
Because of its astounding success in this new field Hotx stock has been the darling of the New York Stock Exchange, its stock selling for 103 times its initial public offering price a year ago. Hotx has plans to build three more global warming facilities in the coming year, with the goal of raising global temperatures by nearly six degrees by the end of the decade.
“It’s the American way,” said Obama to cheering workers at the plant. “You are on the cutting edge of the new science of global warming. You are the folks that are making it happen. All America is proud of you.”