Dallas (AIP) -The Food and Drug Administration has given final approval for pharmaceutical giant Smith-Kolaxco to begin marketing its new men’s erection enhancement drug Advandic, the first medication approved for human use whose side effects actually outnumber its possible benefits.
“Life is about risk,” said Smith-Kolaxco senior vice president James Carter-Bing. “Just getting out of bed in the morning is a risk. We at Smith-Kolaxco would urge men who suffer erectile dysfunction to roll the dice with us on this one.”
In pharmaceutical trials the drug caused the deaths of more than 30 percent of study volunteers, and permanently disabled another 27 percent.
Possible side effects include, but are not limited to shortness of breath, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, temporary or permanent blindness, loss of hair, loss of consciousness, anxiety, anal bleeding, sleeplessness, a diminished sense of self-worth, deafness in one or both ears, non-arteritic anterior ischemic optic neuropathy and death.
“Sure, some very bad things may or may not happen if you take Advandic ,” said Carter-Bing, “but without its benefits you can be damn sure that the girl you’re unsuccessfully trying to bone is going to laugh you right out of the bed.”