Monday, October 20, 2014

Bidetgate Nearly Stops Debate

DAVIE, FL (AIP) – The Florida gubernatorial debate between incumbent Republician Governor Rick Scott and challenger and former Governor Charlie Crist almost didn’t occur Thursday night when Scott learned that Crist had a bidet installed behind the lectern on stage at the campus of Broward College.

“Clearly a bidet is a violation of the previously agreed to rules that we had in place,” said Scott spokesman Manuel Fuente. “It certainly gave Crist an unfair advantage and allowed him to be cleaner and fresher than Governor Scott.”

Crist, the Democratic, Republican, Bull Moose, Copperhead, Libertarian, Independent candidate for governor was quick to disagree.

“Each side was allowed a toilet behind their respective lecterns,” said Crist in a telephone interview. “Where I come from a toilet and bidet are natural companions and I think that most Floridians would agree with me. Tidy sanitation is an important issue for the people of Florida. I guess that’s just one more thing that Governor Scott doesn’t understand about Floridians.”

The debate itself, while being completely without substance and nearly worthless as a gage of either candidate’s true political leanings, was delayed six minutes while Scott kicked a dog he and wife Ann Scott had adopted as a political ploy during the last election.

“Both candidates are completely full of shit, and thus the need for toilets behind both lecterns,” said political analyst Susan Mantooth, a political science professor at the University of Florida. “Toilets behind the lecterns allow the debate to flow naturally and without interruption. A bidet is perhaps stretching things a bit, but Governor Scott really should have just gone on stage and debated without making such a big deal of things.”

The final debate, to be held at the University of Miami, will have toilets, bidets and showers behind each lectern for both candidates.


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