Monday, October 27, 2014

Supreme Court Takes Scott Off The Ballot

TALLAHASEE, FL (AIP) – The Florida Supreme Court, ruling in response to a suit brought by a group of influential Florida Democrats, has found that Florida Governor Rick Scott is ineligible to run for a second term as governor because he has not been a resident of Florida for the last seven years, as is required by state law.
In their published ruling the Justices say, in part, that ‘we therefore find that Rick Scott is, in fact, an alien’ and therefore not eligible for election.
“I knew it,” said Democratic politico Martin Van Hoose, who filed the original suit.  “One look at that son of a bitch’s eyes and I knew he was a damn alien. The Supreme Court made the finding that his legal residence is in the Pleiades star system, nowhere near the State of Florida.”
Official records from the planet Mongo, in the Pleiades system, indicate that Scott attended Mongo High School and worked for a time as an intern in the office of Ming the Merciless, who later whet on to rule the entire Pleiades system until being destroyed by earthling Flash Gordon.
“The fucking eyes should have tipped us all off,” said Representative Michael Frescha (R-Pinellas).  “I thought he was wooden and heartless, but in a human sense.  I had no idea that he is actually wooden and heartless.”
Official records further indicate that Scott is presently married to Ming’s daughter, Princess Aura, and they have a home on Mongo where Scott resided until 2011 before hopping a rocket ship flight to Earth.
“This is a blow for the Republican Party and just shows how elitist the entire system is,” said Republican Party Chairman James Stott.  “The fact that the Supreme Court can keep a Pleiadien off the ballot is heavy handed indeed.”
Spokesmen Charles Caffee said that the Governor plans to call in rocket ships from Mongo to enforce his right to rule.

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