Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Dwarf Seeks Relief In Court

BURBANK, CA (AIP) - Oxy, the little known eighth and seldom mentioned Dwarf, has filed suit in federal court seeking unspecified damages for being left out of the 1937 Disney blockbuster Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

“That cocksucker Walt (Disney) had me meeting with preproduction people and writers for months" said Oxy, speaking from his room at the Pacific Palisades Sobriety Center where he’s being treated for an unspecified chemical addiction. "I laid out the whole tale of how my brothers forced Snow into that prostitution thing. Fucking Disney changed the whole story into us being miners and dropped me from the film."

Lawyers for Disney Productions declined comment on the suit.

“I was ripped off,” said Oxy. “Now I’m gonna get me some.”

Oxy is no stranger to controversy. After leaving his brothers in Los Angeles Oxy briefly attended the University of California at Berkley but dropped out before graduating. A string of run ins with the law and a rumored alcohol and drug problem followed.

"I was pretty fucked up,” said Oxy. “In the mid 70's I shacked up with Destiny, that fourth daughter that was cut out of the Brady Bunch thing because Sherwood Schwartz thought that America wasn't ready for a bitch with a forehead tattoo and visible track marks. I felt her pain. I loved her.

"I took a razor to Greg one time when he, Bobby and Marcia tried an intervention on her ass. I was devastated when she got that hot shot at the Viper Room and died."

Insiders estimate that the movie has grossed more than $416 million dollars since its release.

“We’re asking for one eighth of that pot,” said Oxy. “That’s $52 million. That should buy plenty of happiness.”


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