Thursday, May 29, 2014

Obama Outlines Future Foreign Policy

WEST POINT (AIP) – President Barack Obama today outlined his vision for future United States foreign policy to graduates from the United State Military Academy at West Point today by saying his overriding goal was to “ignore it and it will go away”.

“I have found in the six years of my administration that if we follow the example of the ostrich and bury our collective heads in the sand- really deeply- then the major problems and issues of our time will simply go away,” said Obama. “If we couple this policy with our unique ability to magnify the insignificant – sending the 82nd Airborne to Malaysia to help find a lost child at a local grocery store or a naval carrier group to rush badly need supplies of sun tan lotion to San Tropez – we can look effective without really doing anything of value.

“We can effectively remove the existential threats to this nation – Al Qaeda, Iranian nuclear weapons development, North Korean militarism – by closing our eyes, plugging our ears and humming a soft tune to ourselves.”

Obama assured the cadets that his administration would continue with its policy of kowtowing before foreign heads of state, sending Vice President Joseph Biden to international flash points to embarrass the country and generally being viewed as spineless throughout the world.

“If we’ve learned anything from the crisis in Syria, it’s the effectiveness of drawing meaningless red lines in the sand which others cross with impunity,” said Obama. “I would point to our policy of fruitless, time-wasting negotiations with Iran over its nuclear weapons development until that nation is actually nuclear capable as one of our proudest achievements.”

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