Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Possible Breakthrough In Team Nicknames

NEW YORK (AIP) – A group of university educators and administrators from across the country has put forward a revolutionary idea that might finally break the impasse between Indian tribes and sports teams that bare names Indians find offensive.

“We’ve got an idea that is nothing but upside for both sides of this debate,” said Harvard Professor Rickman Janovich.  “We did some research and found that there’s only one minority in this country that everyone uniformly hates – poor southern white men. They’ve got plenty of nicknames and nobody - I mean nobody - is going to come to their defense or sue on their behalf.

"A school or team owner could safely change a team
 nickname to the Peckerwoods and no one would be offended," said Janovich

“What a great idea,” said Danny Red Eagle, chief of the Cherokee Tribe of Tennessee.  “It’s about time that those southern fucks took it in the ass.”

“There are literally thousands of slurs for southern poor white men,” said Janovich. “We’ll never exhaust the list of possible names. Shit kicker, honkie, cracker, gomer, mudskipper, redneck.  I could go on all day.”

Reports indicate that Washington Redskins president Daniel Snyder is seriously considering changing his team’s name to the Washington Po’buckers.

(According to the Racial Slur Database Po’bucker is a “Corruption of West African "Buuker" meaning devil, boogie-man or white man. Poor white trash  were referred to as "Po'buckers"”.)

Several high schools across the country have already switched names.  John Kennedy High School in Detroit has switched its moniker from the Braves to the Shiftless, No Account Honkies and the Rosemount High School “Warriors” are now the Rosemount “Pigfuckers”.

Not all schools are on board with the new idea.  At Chiefland High School in Chiefland, FL, athletic director Stanley Malvern says his mascot won’t be changing any time soon.

“We are proud to have been and will always be proud to be the Chiefland Drunken Indians”, said Malvern.  “Fuck those liberal bastards.”

Attempts to contact an organization for poor, white, southern men for comment were unsuccessful as there are no such organizations.

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