NASHVILLE, TN (AIP) – In a stunning admission at the Boy Scouts of American annual meeting here Tuesday, BSA spokesman Kyle Michuud admitted that while the Scouts ban openly gay leaders, Scouting bylaws have long allowed men who engage in bestiality into positions of authority in the organization.
“It’s true,” confirmed Michuud. “We don’t really have a problem if men who have sex with animals are a part of our organization. We just won’t accept men who want to fuck our boys.”
Michuud went on to say that bestiality isn’t the only non-traditional sexual fetish that Scouting allows its leaders to participate in.
“Scouting is very inclusive,” said Michuud. “We have no problem with sado-masochism, autoerotic asphyxiation, foot fetishism, necrophilia, teratophilia or any number of ‘normal’ heterosexual practices. Just no fags.”
Gay and Lesbian Coalition spokesman James St. Michael was appalled at the disclosure.
“They’ll let those freaks in but not us?” he asked. “You’ve got to be kidding. Hell, I wouldn’t even go around a teratophiliac. Those guys are sick.”
(Teratophilia is defined by Wikionary as “the paraphilia characterized by sexual attraction to deformed or monstrous people.)
“Interesting that Mr. St. Michael is ready to condemn a misunderstood minority while he demands his group's rights,” said Michuud in response.