Wednesday, May 7, 2014

TSA Announces New Screening Procedure

WASHINGTON (AIP) – The Transportation Security Administration (TSA) held a press conference Friday to announce new screening procedure for air travelers, effective immediately, which the TSA said should speed up airport screening and offer much greater protections for flyers.

“The new procedure is called ‘Guess the Number I’m Thinking Of’”, said TSA deputy security Chief Carolyn Mathews-Green.  “The screener will inform the potential flier that the choice field is between the n
umbers one and 10 inclusive and then think of a number.  The potential flier then makes his or her guess.  If the potential flier guesses correctly, he or she then proceeds to the plane.  If the guess is incorrect, more invasive screening will be applied.”

According to the TSA procedures manual, an incorrect guess will subject the passenger to a full body cavity search and require that the passenger fill out a questionnaire detailing their movements by car, plane, boat, bicycle, hang glider, subway or train, bus and on foot or being piggybacked for the prior three years.

“Research has shown that terrorists are not particularly intuitive, in fact a great deal less so than the general population,” said Mathews-Green.  “They simply don’t guess the correct number very well. This new screening tool should help boost our efforts to protect passengers immensely.”

Tests have shown that psychics, mediums, carnival midway weight and age guessers and mothers of young children are the best numbers guessers while businessmen, students, the elderly, doctors, lawyers and people under 45 perform less well.

This new procedure will replace the TSA's current "Guess How Many Fingers I'm Holding Up Behind My Back" test.

"Terrorists have simply gotten too good and guessing the number of fingers," said Mathews-Green.  "And we did have a few isolated incidences of TSA agents telling passenger that they had guessed incorrectly just for fun at Tampa International Airport.This new test will eliminate that possibility."

Reporters asked Mathews-Green if she thought the “more invasive” screening that results from an incorrect guess might possibly cause travelers to miss flights considering the amount of time required to complete the body cavity search and the questionnaire.

“Yes. Probably. So?” said Mathews-Green.  “Those passengers who will miss their flights should have  concentrated harder and made better guesses.”


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