WASHINGTON, DC (AIP) – In a surprise press conference from the White House Rose Garden President Barack Obama today announced that he had traded 4 Taliban fighters formerly housed at Guantanamo Bay Naval Base for the baseball rookie cards of Albert Pujols, Alex Rodriguez, Jason Varitek and Mike Piazza.
“We did what we had to do to get these cards out of the hands of the enemy,” said Mr. Obama. “We don’t produce baseball cards to leave in foreign lands. I felt it was my duty to bring these cards back home.”
Former detainees Abdul Rahman Wesam, Emam Abdulahat, Abdulkhaliq Al Baidhani, Tariq Al Harbi were secretly removed from Guantanamo and flown directly to Afghanistan last Wednesday where they were dropped off at a Subway Sandwich Shop in the capitol city of Kabul.
At the same time, operatives from the Navy’s Seal Team Six made an air drop on Big Ali’s Cards and Memorabilia Emporium, also located in Kabul, and were given the four trading cards by a man known only as “Mike”. The cards were immediately flown to the Ramstein Air Force Base in Germany.
“They appear to be in excellent shape,” said Mr. Obama. “Crisp edges, very little wear.”
Republicans were predictably irate over the lack of congressional notification prior to the exchange.
“I can’t believe the President again violated the law by not informing Congress,” said Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH). “Sure, the Pujols card is desirable but it isn’t like the President scored a Honus Wagner. Besides that, those guys that were traded have each sworn to kill Americans when finally freed.”
Approximately 142 detainees remain housed in Guantanamo and the President vowed to be ready to trade them all to round out the Federal card collection.
“Whatever it takes,” said Mr. Obama.